Author: Callie Page (Page 1 of 5)

I have to be careful when I talk about parenting because it occasionally comes out as a directive. I don’t mean to say that what we have decided to do with our children is “right”. I have NO idea if it’s right, I just know it feels right to us. That’s all any of us can do. Please don’t take my words as any kind of judgment at all. That’s not what I’m intending to do here. 

On that note, I’ve screwed up too many times to count in the parenting world. Unfortunately for Ellie, my oldest, I’ve made the most mistakes with her. 

One of the things that I regret the most is the pressure I’m sure she felt when it came to sports. I’ve never been one of those people that is loud at games or tells her what she did wrong on the way home in the car, but the pressure was definitely still there for her in many ways. I wish I would have been aware of that when it was happening. 

Talking about sports, giving her my opinions on how she can improve, and offering to get her extra lessons weren’t helpful to her. In her head that meant, “this is VERY important, maybe one of the most important things in your life, and you need to be good at it.” If I would have known that she had the potential of feeling those things because of my words, I would have stopped immediately and then dug a hole to crawl into. 

That definitely wasn’t my intention with my unsolicited “help”. 

I’ve apologized to her several times for the inconsistency between my words: “sports are not the most important thing in the world. Just have fun” and my vibration “sports are so important, you must be the best you can be at them”. She says she’s heard me, and forgives me, but the guilt I feel doesn’t always leave me. 

She’s in college now, and has no connection with her previous sport. The pressure is over, and I feel a little bit responsible for stealing some of her joy throughout her sporting career. I can’t take it all back, but I can make a difference in my persona going forward. My younger children have benefitted from her experience. 

So if you see me at a game and I’m not actively cheering or clapping, it’s not because I’m not incredibly proud of my children and yours, it’s only because I want them to know that I don’t place any REAL importance on their performance. I’m not saying that’s how they feel, I just don’t even want that to be a possibility for how they could feel. I have a different approach now and I think it fits better with my soul. 

All we can do is our best both as parents and as children. We will screw up. We will feel guilt. We will apologize. We will try again. It’s ok. We are only human.

Being the sister of an autistic brother affected my parenting style more than most other things I’ve experienced in my life. I lived in a small tight knit community where the school supported and welcomed my brother with open arms. The most important part of that acceptance though, came from his peers. 

Jacob was in a class with wonderful, wonderful people. The most popular kid in school was one of Jake’s biggest supporters and he made sure everyone knew that they couldn’t mess with him. We only had a couple of instances when people reacted negatively to Jacob, and those were remedied quickly without our interference. They took care of him. 

I’ll never forget that kindness. In a world where everyone talks about bullying and how mean kids can be, I am privy to different information. Being kind, thoughtful, and loving IS absolutely possible and even the “cool” kids can show those qualities. 

One of the rules in our house when I was a kid was that we weren’t allowed to say “no” to a boy who asked us to a dance, unless we had already said yes to someone else previously. That meant if we had a boyfriend and really wanted to go with him, we made sure to ask him as soon as we could. We knew that if someone else asked us that we would be going with them. My mom, bless her heart, couldn’t stand the thought of someone like my brother asking a girl to a dance and her saying “no” only because she was waiting on someone “better” to ask. 

She made us aware of her fears of that happening to Jake and wanted to make sure we weren’t the cause of that pain for anyone else. 

My sister and I adopted that rule, and it became no big deal to us. We didn’t mind at all who we went with. In our heads, no one was better than anyone else. Our parents made sure that was a value for us. I naturally adopted that as I began having children. 

The idea that comes from that way of thinking about humanity may be one of the most important values I have as a parent. It means more to me than almost anything else. Being nice is always a priority, but the idea that no one is better than anyone else remains one of the truths I hold onto above most other things. 

My hope is that people can feel that from me, but also from everyone else in my family. I understand my kids will make their own choices when it comes to how they treat people, but my wish is that they follow my momma on this one. 

Thanks for the lesson, Jake. You sure are a good teacher.

Parenting. Are you ready for this next group of blogs? 

Parenting is a subject that most find difficult to talk about. It’s a topic I can’t genuinely discuss with very many people. Everyone has emotional opinions tied to the parenting decisions they’ve made. Me included. 

Parenting is hard, and there is no hard and fast rule book. We all wish there was one “right” way to do it all, but the truth is, there’s not. Life is different for everyone. Yes, we all have our painful experiences and we all experience joy, but the way we interpret those pains and joys is filtered through our very own childhood experiences. 

We parent in direct reflection of those memories. 

Some choose a way completely different from how they were parented and some fall in line with their upbringing almost exactly. Sometimes we do that subconsciously, and sometimes we are aware of the reasons behind our choices, but we all embrace what we “know”. 

For example, when my girls asked to color their hair, my immediate reaction was “no, not until you’re 18.” Now, if I wouldn’t have taken a step back and considered why I immediately said no, then it would be law in my house.  However, I was aware enough at the time to do a little soul searching on this subject. I realized that my mom didn’t let us dye our hair before we were 18 and she had several reasons for it. 

I fell right in line, and chose the same path. After some reflection, I realized that I didn’t value her reasons the same way that she did, and that I didn’t need to say no to dying hair. I didn’t actually care at all. 

Now, dying hair doesn’t matter at all in the grand scheme of life, but imagine that kind of reaction with something of importance. I made a vow to myself that (as much as I could) I would not allow myself to only act on gut reactions any longer. I would think through my answers with my kids. I want to make sure that I answer based on what I want to value and not on the values of others. 

Parenting my 6 children has taught me that lesson over and over again. My assumption is that God led me through those instances so that I would see Him a little clearer (LONG before I knew Him). He presented me with something I truly cared about (parenting) so that He could show me the importance of thinking through deeply meaningful life situations. Ultimately, through those stories and those experiences, it led me one step closer to Him.