Just to further humiliate myself and tell you more of our money story, I’ll tell you one of our lowest moments financially. Now again, this isn’t something that I really want to share. This is painful, and difficult to admit but it’s another piece of my story and it has helped me to choose joy in the face of fear, and God has pushed me to write it. So here goes…

About 12 or 13 years ago, Brad and I were still living in Illinois and we were making the usual trek from Payson, IL to Smithton MO (both of our hometowns) for our Christmas traditions. We always spend a little time with Brad’s family through christmas eve night, drive home and then go to my parents house first thing in the morning. It’s a lot of driving but it’s one of our favorite traditions and we wouldn’t change it for the world. 

Potentially the best part for Brad and I is that we get a few hours in the car together, when the kids are asleep to reflect on the past year and look forward to the next. It leaves a warm, cozy feeling in my heart each and every time. Except for this one particular moment 13 years ago.

We came to the top of a hill in Columbia and stopped at a stoplight. We were discussing our money issues and trying to figure out how we were going to make it through the month. (Just to be clear, it wasn’t because of Christmas, we don’t even buy our kids gifts, it was just the inability to pay for life on a teachers salary.) When the light turned red we noticed a guy, standing on the side of the road, freezing, in the middle of the night, on Christmas Eve, with a cardboard sign. 

Now, no matter how you feel about that, imagine what that must have been like for him. There is NO part of me that wanted to change places with him. Even though we were struggling financially (I wasn’t clear on just how much at that very moment), I was sitting in my car, with my best friend and our 3 kids. I was warm, my belly was full, and we were headed home in the middle of the night just to be with as many people as we could on Christmas because we happen to have the gift of love in our lives. It didn’t appear that he had any of that. It broke my heart. 

Brad stopped, like he always does, opened his wallet and gave the man the last dollar he had. As soon as we drove away I said, “thanks for doing that.” He said, “I wish I could have given him more but that was the last dollar I had.” We talked about that for a minute, and I realized that he really meant THE LAST DOLLAR. We didn’t have any money in our checking accounts, we had maxed out the credit card we had, and had no more cash. There was the added pressure of the fact that we had an hour and half left to drive and we only had a half a tank of gas. 

This was a moment that could have sent both of us down a spiral of worry and fear, but if there is one thing that I’ve learned from Brad, it’s that nothing in this life is important enough to steal a person’s joy. I’ll make a point here, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get stressed or fearful, sad, or have feelings of defeat, it just means that no matter what happens he has a well of joy inside of him, untouched by worldly experiences. 

So what did he do as we were pulling away? 

He started laughing. 

Yep, laughing. In fact, he was laughing so hard, it made me laugh. We almost couldn’t catch our breath. We couldn’t believe the irony. 

It’s a moment that I will never forget. 

That day was another glimpse into that world of untouchable joy, for me. I’ve seen that resiliency several times throughout my life from several people, but until a couple years ago, I didn’t understand it. 

Nothing and no one, in this earthly life, has the power to steal the joy inside of some people. It’s other-wordly. Sadness, depression and fear creep in, but they are no match for real Joy. If you don’t understand that on a very unexplainable level, I hope that someday, you are able to. It took me quite a while, but thank Goodness it came to me eventually.