A big part of my story is failure. I’ve failed more times than I can count, but I’m going to tell you about one of them specifically. Now, I want you to know that I don’t want to tell you this story because it’s embarrassing for me. However, it’s a part of my story and it has created, in me, a different way of looking at things. I would say that it’s definitely a defining moment in my life’s trajectory. 

One of my biggest dreams in this life is to be a speaker. I love words. I’ve always loved words, and I’ve always loved speaking love and acceptance into people’s lives. I have always been very passionate about telling people their strengths. I promise these are not things I make up, these are genuine characteristics that I pick up from individuals and society as a whole. I’ve always had this burning desire to tell people that I notice them, and that I appreciate them for the cool things I see humans do. 

Call me weird, it’s fine. I know that I am. But this characteristic about myself has been one of the most important things to me for as long as I can remember. In fact, there’s not a trait about my personality that I connect more with. 

Now to the failure. I was asked to be the guest speaker at my high school graduation about 15 years after my own graduation. I was ecstatic. (Don’t be too impressed here…I went to a VERY small high school- there weren’t many people to choose from.) I had a million things to talk about but I knew it could only be a 5-6 minute speech so I had to narrow down my field of discussion. I went to bed countless nights thinking about what I was going to focus on. 

I came up with 4 or 5 different speeches. I typed them all out, and read over them carefully. I made the decision that I would have them all prepared and speak on the one that made the most sense to address on that particular day. I went into the graduation with all of them in my head. I had no notes, and no written speeches with me because I had decided that I knew the material well and I didn’t want to sound disingenuous. I didn’t want to read, I wanted to speak from the heart. My intentions were good. 

I had forgotten that even though my high school graduated no more than 40-50 kids each year, the graduations were unnecessarily long. I’m talking 2.5-3 hours. It was crazy. Everyone and their dog gave a speech! By the time it was my turn to go, it had already been an hour and none of the graduates had even gotten their diplomas yet! I looked out into the audience and I noticed an older lady, maybe a grandma, trying to calm a 3 year old who’d already been sitting too long. I noticed the audience, fanning every face in the crowd and the look of “let’s get this over with” on each person’s face. 

My mind went blank.  

I remembered nothing about what I wanted to talk about AND I had no notes. Oops. I remember mumbling something about choosing your own path and not the path that those around you want you to choose, but the speech only lasted a couple minutes and it was horrible in its delivery. 

I was mortified. 

I hurried off the podium, and sat with a reeling mind for the next hour and half until the ceremony ended. Not only was I embarrassed in front of my hometown, but my family also went so that  added disappointment for me. I was proud of the material I had prepared and I told them that before the whole thing happened, but they didn’t get to see the good stuff. I had really screwed up, but mainly I was upset with myself. I let myself down. 

I made a promise that I would never again allow myself to do less than the very best I could do. That meant, notes, preparation for all circumstances, and a commitment to my standards no matter what I read on the face of the crowd. I would deliver my very best no matter what. I never wanted to leave another function wondering if I could have done better. I promised myself that I wouldn’t be intimidated by what was going on around me, but rather be the best version of me that I could be. 

That mentality stays with me. Even though I was (and still am) super embarrassed by my performance, I learned an extremely valuable lesson. I needed that experience. I needed that grit to get through the life I would choose just a few short years later as an entrepreneur. 

God’s plan was perfect. I should stop being surprised by that.