Chapter 26 (The Phone)

It’s a cell phone world we live in. Parenting cell phone kids is not easy, but “parenting” ourselves in this cell phone craziness is potentially more difficult. I could write a hundred blogs on cell phones, mental health and parenting, but I guess I won’t stand on my soapbox in this forum. I’ll just tell you my story in regards to these little computers attached to our hands.

Brad and I decided to give our teenagers a phone right before their freshman summer. They were 14 at the time. It was not a popular decision with our kids, but we stuck to that plan (they wanted them earlier, we wanted them later). We assumed they would need a phone during summer high school sports activities and it would make it easier on us to be able to text them for those things. 

Was that the right choice? Was it the wrong one? I don’t know. I still don’t have a positive feeling about it all these years later. 

The problem is that the mental and physical attachment to phones are not only with our children, they are taking over the adult population as well. It’s not just a “kid thing” to be addicted to our devices. In fact, I think I make the problem worse for my kids because they see me model phone attachment behavior. I often wonder how much better they’d be able to deal with the need for their phones, if I could let go of mine. 

I’ve made the excuse for years that the reason I have a cell phone is because I’m a business owner. I’m wondering if that’s just my crutch. 

Having an addiction to anything is not the life I want to live. And yet, as I’m sitting here typing, I have my cell phone sitting beside me just in case someone needs to get ahold of me. Now, I’ve adopted the practice of putting my phone on “do not disturb” almost exclusively, but even with that practice, I still need to check it more often than I’d like. 

Why is that? 

For me the need to need something is exhausting. I value the feeling of freedom. Real freedom. The kind of freedom that isn’t dictated by something or someone else. When I have a device next to me to interrupt my life, and expect my response, I feel like I’m always “on”. I feel like I always have to see a person’s text and respond. I feel like if I don’t respond, they might assume that I don’t love them or care for them, and I can’t think of anything I want less than that. 

But…that’s not fair. 

If that is fair, then my life belongs to societal norms. Other human beings are responsible for my happiness. If their interpretation of my missed response is less than well received, then I tend to feel terrible about myself and that affects the way that I live. The social anxiety of that situation is exhausting to me. 

I work in our coffee shop everyday, and mostly I hear this, “Man. I’m tired. Life keeps going faster and faster. I kind of miss the whole quarantine thing. No one expected anything of me during that time. We couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. It was nice.” If I’m being honest here again, I have had the same thought several times. 

Could it be possible that we are doing this to ourselves? Is it possible that our constant need to be “on” and reacting in ways that are deemed socially acceptable is too much for our mental health? Is it possible that the way we are living is sending a message to our children that we would never want them to adopt for themselves? 

I’m afraid it’s possible.