I’m writing the last blog, first. It was the craziest thing. I had this idea to write down my story for a long time and each time I tried, it fell short. I didn’t want to push anything and kept telling myself that if it was meant to be written, then the story would find a way. One night after having put this whole thing on the back burner, I woke up with the energy to run a marathon. I suddenly had the whole vision of how this thing (this blog/video series) would be laid out. I knew exactly what was supposed to tie it all together and exactly what I was supposed to write and say to make it happen. The only problem was that THE LAST blog came to mind with crystal clarity, but the way to start it was a bit fuzzy. I struggled with that thought for a couple days and then I realized (yes, it takes me a while to catch on to things) that I was supposed to write the last blog first! That was the way it was supposed to go.
I had to make myself “ok” with going out of order. And now, as I think of the process, it’s the perfect way to do it because the ending was the reason for the whole story in the first place. Funny how that works.
Ironically, (or maybe not so ironically) my “ending” in this story could not possibly feel more like the beginning for me.
Let me explain…
Every life experience that I’ve had, every story that I’ve endured, whether it be sad or joyous, led me to the person that I’m able to be currently. I think most people can resonate with that. Your experiences, and the ways that you react to them in your life, mold your person, correct? This is definitely the way it played out for me.
From the deer on the tree when I was 13, to the experience in the back of the church when I was 7, to the mean kids on the playground, and the high school dances, to the day I met my best friend and husband, to the moment I lost my nephew, created, in me, the human in front of you. The culmination of all of those experiences and many many more created the way that I feel, how hard I fight, my reasoning, my beliefs and my morals.
The thing I didn’t understand, until I was 39 years old, is that my whole story was orchestrated by God. The whole thing. And, the ultimate goal wasn’t for me to have a successful business or marriage or raise good kids. It wasn’t about a social standard at all. It was ONLY to open up my heart to believing in Him. To trust Him. To be able to feel His peace and love.
When I was walking through all of these moments in my life, I thought they were to make me a good human, or to teach me a lesson, or to get me to the station I need to be in, in this life. I thought the business financial struggles were simply to forge me into an unbreakable piece of steel; smoothed out only by the trials and tribulations of entrepreneurship. I thought the story was for the ultimate goal of becoming a success as a human. I thought I was learning all of those life lessons so that I would be tough enough to do something “big”.
I realized the biggest thing I’ll ever do is give my life completely to God. The goal of everything always was to get me to a place and a heart space that would allow me to believe.
Even when I couldn’t have felt more far away from any kind of god existing, He was there. He was always there. He was the beginning and end of every story, every experience, every fall, and every peak.
It was always Him.
) We promised to make our work purposeful. We wanted to know that even if the money didn’t come, we were pursuing something that filled us up inside. I know it sounds naive and maybe even kind of stupid, but it’s what we always prayed for. We’ve gotten exactly what we need; just not necessarily how we wanted it to happen. 
