I met Brad in college. He was a senior and I was a sophomore. We had a small campus and I always knew who he was but never really talked to him. He had been dating a girl for a long time and everyone told me that he was “basically married”. My friends were adamant that I find someone to date, though, and after several failed suggestions, they decided they were going to see if he was available.
Turns out, he was.
The first time I ever really talked to Brad was at a halloween party in his fraternity house. He was kind of shy and approached me with a Halloween mask on. Although I totally knew it was him, he introduced himself as “guy” and asked me if I wanted a cherry blow pop. He made me laugh. I should have known from that moment on, I would spend the next 20 years of my life with a guy who thought he was funny…
Somehow he won me over. I think it must have been that cherry blow pop. I always did like candy. Lucky for him, it was halloween, and he had some. 😉
On the first date he told me I was beautiful. It might have just been a line, but it was a good one. I had never heard those words before and somehow they meant so much. I still carry that moment with me.
Although our relationship is special to me for many reasons, the most special thing was definitely how he handled my declaration of being an atheist.
20 years ago I was a lot louder and more opinionated. I’ve always loved people well, always at an arm’s length as to not get hurt, but still, loved them- deeply. I could also fight anyone about religion and God at any time. My defensiveness was worn like armor. I liked to be heard and had no problem having hard conversations.
Brad was unphased.
Most people found some way to combat what I had to say. Most people took a lot of time trying to talk me into coming around to their way of thinking. He didn’t. He quietly listened, and his love for me was not shaken. I could visibly see that.
His ability to be unshaken actually caught me off guard at first, and I came back even stronger. I think there was a part of me that tried to push him away. He was too good to be true, and I wasn’t about to let ANYONE crush me.
I found myself giving him my whole heart and that was scary.
He taught me that loving someone is terrifying. Really, truly loving them unconditionally takes a whole lot of faith. Because I had no idea where to put my faith at the time, I put my faith in Brad, and because of that, I started to feel wholly dependent on how he felt about me. It was a slippery slope.
He quietly and calmly waded through that with me as well. He understood from the moment we met that he couldn’t put all of his faith in me. He had a relationship with God and that is where he found his self worth and confidence. His faith allowed him to be patient with me. His understanding of love made loving easier for him. He didn’t guard his heart with anyone. Instead, he wore his heart on his sleeve and understood that no matter what society’s reaction to him, he would continue to be confident in who he was. In that way, he is still exactly the same as the day I met him.
I didn’t know this at the beginning, but he was only able to do that because he had his faith in something much stronger than I even knew existed. I wasn’t able to grasp what he was grasping for many, many years of our marriage.
God knew exactly what He was doing when He created Brad. He also knew exactly what He was giving to me when I met him in college for the first time. It has all been orchestrated from the very beginning. It was all leading to one place, for one purpose.
At the time, I had no idea that I was following along the path laid out for me.
This song is written by Brad after a comment from me about him forgetting our life due to his family history of Alzheimer’s disease. The first verse references the content of this blog post. It can be purchased at the following link:
https://music.apple.com/us/album/let-go/1170978246?i=1170978273
