Being the sister of an autistic brother affected my parenting style more than most other things I’ve experienced in my life. I lived in a small tight knit community where the school supported and welcomed my brother with open arms. The most important part of that acceptance though, came from his peers. 

Jacob was in a class with wonderful, wonderful people. The most popular kid in school was one of Jake’s biggest supporters and he made sure everyone knew that they couldn’t mess with him. We only had a couple of instances when people reacted negatively to Jacob, and those were remedied quickly without our interference. They took care of him. 

I’ll never forget that kindness. In a world where everyone talks about bullying and how mean kids can be, I am privy to different information. Being kind, thoughtful, and loving IS absolutely possible and even the “cool” kids can show those qualities. 

One of the rules in our house when I was a kid was that we weren’t allowed to say “no” to a boy who asked us to a dance, unless we had already said yes to someone else previously. That meant if we had a boyfriend and really wanted to go with him, we made sure to ask him as soon as we could. We knew that if someone else asked us that we would be going with them. My mom, bless her heart, couldn’t stand the thought of someone like my brother asking a girl to a dance and her saying “no” only because she was waiting on someone “better” to ask. 

She made us aware of her fears of that happening to Jake and wanted to make sure we weren’t the cause of that pain for anyone else. 

My sister and I adopted that rule, and it became no big deal to us. We didn’t mind at all who we went with. In our heads, no one was better than anyone else. Our parents made sure that was a value for us. I naturally adopted that as I began having children. 

The idea that comes from that way of thinking about humanity may be one of the most important values I have as a parent. It means more to me than almost anything else. Being nice is always a priority, but the idea that no one is better than anyone else remains one of the truths I hold onto above most other things. 

My hope is that people can feel that from me, but also from everyone else in my family. I understand my kids will make their own choices when it comes to how they treat people, but my wish is that they follow my momma on this one. 

Thanks for the lesson, Jake. You sure are a good teacher.